Life After Getting Shot, Stabbed, Detoxing Off K2 & The Choice I Made To Avoid 99 Yrs in Prison

Omar (00:00.91)
I put the gun to my head and I clicked it and I had the safety on. You know what I'm saying? You know that's the worst because when you're really committed and you forget one thing, like, you know, I can't even do this right.

Matt (00:01.87)
I’m Matt Handy and you're listening to My Last Relapse. Alright Omar, how's it going man?

Omar
How ya doing brother?

Matt
Pretty good, pretty good. How about yourself? Okay well tell me about you.

Omar (00:27.386)
Man, how far we wanna go back, you know what saying?

Matt (00:32.024)
So Dr. Shah always says that nobody escapes their childhood unscathed, and so I find that that's a good spot to start.

Omar (00:37.87)
Okay. Yeah, so, you know, I was born in Kansas, you know.

Matt (00:41.774)
Not in Kansas no more.

Omar
Yeah, I'm not in Kansas no more, no, yes sir. And my parents are both Mexican, right? It's weird, you know, I always tell the story is like, you know, most Mexican families come from Mexico and raise their children over here. My parents came and then they started working and I guess the work was too much so they sent me to live with my grandma in Mexico. So actually I was raised in Mexico. So I grew up with my grandma for the first four or five years of my life. Grandma and grandpa in Mexico.

Matt (01:25.165)
What part?

Omar
And Nuevo Laredo, right there, right off the border, Laredo. So it was a one bedroom house and there was about nine of us there as far as children were. A couple of uncles and aunts that lived there. So it was just a really tight household. A bunch of, you know, I was the youngest. I guess that's where bullying started for me, was at that stage of my life, like as a baby. And, you know, I also got a lot of love for it. You know, my grandma loved me the most because I was the youngest and everybody was always telling me like you know, grandma and grandpa, they have, you're their favorite and this and that. it just, they didn't take kindly to my other family members. But, you know, after I was five years old, they brought me to Kansas. And as a five-year-old kid who just knows pure Spanish in 1995, to go into a school in Kansas where they didn't have ESL, they didn't have any Spanish-speaking teachers. I don't know how I managed
to learn English, but I did. It's crazy because I speak fluent Spanish and fluent English and neither of them I have an accent. So when I speak Spanish to somebody who I just met, they're always like, where you from? know, from over here. So it's very interesting to me how that kind of played out for me. You my parents were hard workers, you know, and they just couldn't,
They couldn't stay together. So there was a lot of moving around for me. I can't say I was very stable for a long time, a long period of time in my childhood, up until like I was 15 years old. Just moving back and forth. Everybody has their friends that they grew up with, the people that they remember as a childhood. I have one cousin who He's not even my full cousin. He's a half cousin and he's the only person that I That I know from my childhood and then we stay connected everybody else is just uh, just everywhere else and I have no no real bond or connection to that So I always grew up kind of alone, know, I was always the new kid in school, know I was always the the fat kid in school, right? So, you know, it was easy easy target It was a probably up until I was like 13 years old is when I found out that the bigger I was, know, they were making fun of me for being a bigger kid, but then I realized I'm bigger than these guys.

Matt (04:15.202)
Yeah. You know.

Omar (04:18.4)
So once I found out that voice, I was able to start fighting back and then I learned that I didn't need to take it from anybody and that I could definitely be aggressive and fight my way out of any situation, which was not a good thing at that young age. At that time, I was living with my mom and my dad was not around. So my mom worked a lot of hours and it was during the day, right? So I was free to do whatever I wanted to do, which meant I was out and looking for love. I never felt loved, even though I believe that my mom loved me and my dad loved me. I never felt it. They loved me in a different way. They loved me enough to provide and to...to keep a roof over my head, but not presently to be there, right? So, you know, I started joining gangs and stuff, right? And I got into that lifestyle pretty quickly. And it was not good for me, because I was not built for that. And I found out really quickly that I wasn't, but I pursued it.

Matt (05:21.036)
Yeah.

Omar (05:41.902)
you know, to try to be that person that I wasn't, right? You know, I like to fight, so fighting wasn't an issue. But then we started, you know, smoking weed and, you know, drinking and stuff like that. You know, I always tell people that, you know, I lost my virginity at the age of 13, and it was to a 21-year-old woman. And you you grow up thinking, know, it just happened. But you get older and you realize, you know, that was not right.

Matt (06:22.414)
That was fucked up.

Omar
It was not right at all, you know. And it just, you know, my life, my mind was messed up from then. You know, I didn't know what love was. I knew what pleasure was. And then I found that in sex, right, and drugs. And I and these people that really didn't care about me, they just knew that I could get away with things that they couldn't. I was a fresh start for them. So I was doing things that I wasn't supposed to be doing at an early age. About 15 years old, we moved to Laredo. That was not a good experience either. Living with my uncles and all that. And then we finally moved out here to San Antonio. Things just got way out of control. I think, I like to say that I really liked school. School was a big part of my life.

Matt (07:25.058)
Uh-uh.

Omar (07:26.934)
The streets were just, it was just corn to me, you know, and, no matter how much I was out, you know, doing what I was doing in the streets, I was a straight A student at school. Okay. You know, I liked, I liked, you know, math, English, you know, I was writing poetry at a young age. So, you know, that's something that really kept me going. I was in speech and, and debate teams and stuff like that.

Matt (07:29.549)
It was more important.

Omar (07:56.494)
But I never had anybody coming to see these things. My mom was always working. Eventually I was on my own. It got really confusing in that time period. I was a weed head for a long time. That's really what My drug of choice was from 13 to 21 alcohol and beer was not my thing. didn't like the way it felt like there was a lot of liquids in your stomach and I didn't like the hangover and all that stuff. it was that and prescription pills. So I ended up finding out that I really liked opiates. you know, pretty early on, I was about 17. From 17 to 20, I had a bad pill problem. You know, it was like a blur to be. I ended up homeless pretty much at the age of 17. I graduated high school, even though I was homeless. And what's it called? You know, that was a pretty cool...the whole thing to walk the stage and have family members there and stuff like that. But right after high school, you know, I signed up for college and they give you, you know, your financial aid. And I got like this big check and you're supposed to use it for books and you know, for school supplies and stuff like that. I went and bought a bunch of weed and a bunch of, I bought a car and a bunch of weed and I just decided, you know what, I'm gonna become you know, a drug dealer to keep my habit up, right? And that was not the best idea, you know. I ended up getting kicked out of college pretty quickly because I kept falling asleep in the back of the class because I was partying all day and night and not getting the rest that I needed.

Yeah, know, that led up until I crashed a car when I was 20 years old on pills, right? You know, that was the last time that I was like, you know what, this is probably not safe for me, you know, because I hit a semi, I got into the middle lane, I hit those metal rails, and the whole car was destroyed. And I'm just like...I got drugs in the car, so I drove off and I have guys people honking at me and I'm like why are people honking? It's like six in the morning. I was like yeah, it probably looks terrible I get to get first gas station I get to and the car is just like munched up on one whole side I'm dragging a piece of metal. I'm just like yeah, this is not good I could have died and so I was it was a it was a hard It was a hard thing to do But I guess I wasn't
too crazy on the prescription pills that it was, didn't get like withdrawals or anything like that, or I might've, I just don't remember right. Yeah. You know, so. You know, I started doing music at the age of 18, right? I like doing rap music. And it was something about it. I found out that you could buy a microphone and an audio interface and you can make a song in your closet if you wanted to. And I started experimenting with that about 18, 19. I had a friend who had a home studio and you know, I was terrible. You know, I was completely...I was not, you know, any good. But we made some music, you know? And then I found a small record label that was looking for up-and-coming artists to help with. And I was always good at poetry, so I kind of like dove into that. And, you know, this record label helped me go do some shows out of state. When I was out of state doing these shows,I was introduced to K2.

Matt (12:21.346)
Right? And,

Omar (12:24.637)
That's where my life changed completely, And this was the first time that I had done something other than, you know, pills and weed, right? Those were a normal thing. I never got into the heavy, like, narcos. I would just like, alcohol, pop a pill, smoke some weed, and here's a night, right? But this thing grabbed me. This one, they were selling it in the convenience stores back in like 2000.

Matt (12:27.608)
for sure.

Omar (12:53.134)
11 and 12 and nobody knew what it was right you know I came back and I started looking for it that's when you you start like now I think it back I'm like now I realize that that's where the problem started it's like I found this thing out there and now I was in I was up in Oklahoma yeah it was weird it was the weirdest place it was Oklahoma and Kansas and they sold it in little containers yeah and I came down here

Matt (13:08.878)
in California?

Omar (13:22.274)
They said, go to one of those head shops and then ask if they have anything like it. And they're like, you know, they were like really weird about it at first. I was like, man, you don't have anything that's like synthetic marijuana is what they were calling it back then. And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they would pull out this bag.

Matt (13:39.498)
Do you know how they make that shit? Yeah.

Omar
I do now. Yeah, it's terrible. So much.

Matt
Fucking bad.

Omar (13:47.68)
I mean, I mean, it's no different than how they make like heroin and meth and stuff like that, but it's just like some some it's bad. It's bad. It's bad, you know and my somebody you know, had a I work at a hotel at this point in my life and You know the the the owner would always randomly drug testy drug test people So I was like man, I'm gonna get fired because I'm always smoking weed and I was like, they say that this stuff doesn't come out on your drug test Cool, so I just switched from that to that this is stronger anyways, you know? And, you know, then I was just making these excuses and I wasn't realizing that I was getting hooked onto this stuff. Right around that time, you know, I met my now ex-wife. You know, like I said, I've always been bad with love, you know? you know, we, she got pregnant, I think, in the first like three months that we got together, right?

You know, she didn't, you know, it's weird. always tell her, you know, you got with the drug addict, you know, well, your choices were pretty bad back then, you know what I'm saying? And she was like, yeah, you know, we have a pretty cool relationship today. We've been through a lot though, but I guess I'll get to that. you know, we move into a house and all I'm doing is working, coming home and falling asleep because that's what this stuff does to you. You you go, you do a little bit of it and you're asleep, right? It's so similar to heroin that it's crazy, But you you don't think about it being that bad, you know? And right around that time frame, you know, I had my first child, you know, and the bills are coming and things are piling up and I'm the only one working. And we're having a newborn baby. I'm getting paid and I'm asking my wife, can you pay me a little bit for a bath? And then it becomes, I need another one. It's like.

Matt (15:49.824)
I'm I am I am I. You give me. Right.

Omar (16:02.574)
You said it was just gonna be one bag a week and then it became like two bags and now giving her less than what I actually made and now I'm getting three bags a week and then my friend dies, right? He had his name was Ray and he had a heart transplant when he was 10 years old and he was a full-blown addict, right? You know, he ended up dying at the age of like 20, 21, 23 or something like that. And he was my number one supporter. And I was visiting him in the hospitals and while he was getting really bad for the longest time. And one night I get a call that Ray passed away. He died in his sleep peacefully. And I took it really hard. And I bought like 10 bags of K2 and I just spent a whole week in the garage and just, you know, just asleep. And when I was out, I came back out and now I hadn't gone to work for a week. Now, you know, the light bills do and, you know, I'm telling my wife, I was like, hey, I need more money for another bag. And she's like, no, you're not going to get this money back. And I was like, worked for it.

Matt (17:08.269)
Hmm

Omar (17:29.486)
I'm like if I want a bag I'm gonna get a bag and she she grabbed all the money that I had given her and she threw it on the bed it's just like fine spend all of the money on on that stuff but I'm leaving and I'm taking the kids and when I when I met her she had two children already so she's like I'm gonna take the kids and I'm gonna leave and I was like, you know, I sat there and I had the money in my hand and I was like, I was contemplating. I was like, well, you know, the family or this, right? You know, and then I was like, man, I saw her packing her stuff and as she walked out, told her, was like, no, I'm going to stop this stuff, but it's really hard to need your help. And I spent, I told my boss that I needed some time off.

And I ended up spending two weeks in bed just sweating this stuff out. It was the worst, know, just throwing up, know, not eating. If anything that I ate would come right back up. It was just a horrible, horrible experience. And I was like, is about, like, you know, when they say you feel like you're gonna die, but you're not gonna die, you know, that's just how it feels. And, you know, I was dreaming about it, dreaming about going to buy it and, you know dream about using it, that waking up and I was sober and I was upset, you know, and it was just like the craziest. And I was like, is crazy, this is madness. I don't ever want to do this again, right? And this was early 2012, or late 2012. And after I broke from that, I was like, I'm never touching this stuff again, right? And I went back to smoking weed because it was healthier and it was okay.

But I was like, I'm never touching that stuff again. And then I go to a concert probably about a year later. And I remember I was a Kevin Gates concert and this was before he was popular or anything like that. My friend asked me, he was like, you ever done cocaine? I was like, no, I don't think I've ever tried it. It's never been my thing. It's an opera or whatever. That was the first time I tried cocaine right at this concert and I was like, whoa, this is crazy. That is crazy because now I do think I like cocaine, right? You know what I'm saying? And it was not the best idea.

Matt (20:01.652)
Right, ever seen walk hard? Walk hard, there's this funny scene where they're like on tour with like Elvis and like bunch of Johnny Cash and like a bunch of other people and it's just really funny. You gotta watch. I'll send you the clip. It's really funny.

Omar (20:19.982)
Yeah, so I was like, man, this is different. Because the first time you do it, you're like, wow, I could think about a thousand things to do right now, and I can get them done, and I go home, I clean everything. And I was like, my wife's like, what's going on with you? And I was like, nothing, you know what I'm saying? And I kind of had that cocaine addiction for like a good six months, and she didn't know anything about it. I ended up finding somebody who sold it, getting it on my own. It was just a crazy transition. it was just like, the suspicion was there. like, okay, you're not sleeping in the room as much. You're not smoking as much weed. What's going on here? And I'm like, nothing, nothing And, I ended up, I worked at this hotel and working at a hotel as a front desk manager being in the mind that I was in at that timeframe, you just trying to find people who are new clientele or somebody that needs something that you could provide. Cause I'm a people pleaser, right? If you need something, I'm gonna try to get it for you no matter what it is at that point in time. And this guy I got really close to, I was like, hey man,

Matt (21:39.106)
Yeah.

Omar (21:39.822)
You think I could borrow some money? You know, I need to borrow some money to pay that. He's like, what do need it for? And I was like, I'm trying to get some stuff, you know what saying? He's like, what are you trying to get? And I was like, well, I don't want to tell you. He's like, well, what if I want what you want? And I was like, well, I'm trying to get some cocaine. And he's like, oh, yeah, I don't mess with that. He's like, I do meth. And I was like, well, I don't know anything about that. You know what I'm saying?

So he was like, can you get some? And I was like, man, I don't know anything about it. I don't know about any prices and this and that or whatever. So I reach out to my people and apparently I can get meth, you know what I'm saying? you know, I didn't try it for a while, but I was this guy's connection every time he came to San Antonio, he would come.
And I didn't sell meth to anybody but him. I didn't know anybody else who did meth. I was blank to that world. Yeah, I think about it. That was the worst. So that was the worst thing I could have done that moment in time, right? Was that I could have been like, I'm good. I figured this out. But I was like, no, let me find this drug that I know nothing about. And then I ended up hanging out with this dude.

Matt (22:46.402)
Probably a good thing.

Omar (23:09.99)
And I didn't know how you used meth and I see him smoking it and I was like, I didn't know you smoked that stuff. He's like, you want to try it? man, that's when, you know, I'm a good decision maker at this time in my life. And I like to try things, you know, that's the same thing that happened with K2, right? Somebody was like, you want to try this? I was like, what is that? It was like, it's not weed, it's synthetic weed. And I tried it and I was like, whoa, this is like the best thing in the world. So I remember the first time I did meth as well, you know, and he was like, you sure you've never done this before? And I was like, no. And then I just kept talking and talking and talking and talking and talking. And I talked for like hours. And after I realized that it was morning time and I hadn't gone home that f***ing Getting back to the story, right, you know, I did methamphetamines in 2000 and this was about 2015. I had already had another child. This changed everything. This changed everything. Hiding a cocaine addiction was one thing. You could fall asleep on cocaine and eventually it goes away. It just doesn't get you to where this stuff does.

Matt (24:19.727)
yeah.

Omar (24:40.098)
Then I start, you know, being really anxious and angry and paranoid. This time the wife leaves me for real, right? She packs up the kids. For sure, you know, she leaves me for real and she leaves. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? She left me for sure this time. But this time she didn't know about this, right? I had this wreck really well for, I think, a good..You know

Matt (24:50.1)
That's the one that'll do it for sure.

Matt (24:55.81)
She almost left you over K2.

Omar (25:09.134)
like year. You know, I end up, I end up moving out of there, out of that house and hotel hopping with this, truck driver that, that, you know, he's getting, he's like, don't ever do this by yourself. He's like, you know, once you start buying it, once you get your own, you know, your piece, you know, everything is going to be just different. He's like, he's like, just stick with me, you know. I
keep smoking your weed and we'll partner up. And I didn't know about codependency at this point, but you know what I'm saying? I realized I'm very codependent, you know? I was like, sure. And the wife is like, what's going on with you?

Matt (25:48.968)
What are you doing in Alabama?

Omar (25:50.766)
And you know, I'm still maintaining my job, you know I'm saying I got a job and I'm out on the streets I still have a car but all those things are still like slowly for the progressively leaving me Yeah, you know and then this guy, know, you know he He ends up getting into it with me and you know, I tried him he trains me

Matt (26:15.384)
Yeah, for sure.

Omar (26:17.504)
And he leaves and I never hear from him ever again, you know what saying? And well, he'll come back into the story later, but he leaves and I'm just stuck with like. Well, man, like.
I still want to do this stuff, even though I'm by myself. And then I find myself in this world that I didn't know existed. It's a dark. Yeah, very bad, bro. know, it's hard to explain to somebody who hasn't been through it, you know, how dark it is. know, I've experienced a lot of things that I wish I'd never seen or heard about, or, you know, just, you know, I used to see people die a lot.

Matt (26:43.743)
It's called the underworld. Hard to.

Omar (27:04.11)
I used to see people overdose on different things a lot. Just things that I was not ready for. And from 2015 to about 2016, 17, was just hotels, hotels, meth and everything that it brings with it, right? Chaos. Chaos, right, yeah.

Matt (27:25.102)
I think that meth is the only drug that will steal your soul.

Omar (27:29.326)
Yeah, and it's I believe you know I'm very spiritual right so I believe there's like demonic you know things behind it right you know

Matt (27:36.908)
Yeah, well, I mean you How well anyway, yeah, they do like they bless that shit on the way across the border

Omar (27:44.846)
You just read my mind. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. It's you know, the people that make it they they bless it with with the And they they send it off and they say, you know, you know If anything else take care of this and everybody else doesn't matter, know, it's like people people die, you know carrying that stuff, you know Yeah, it's very very scary So throughout this whole time, you know, I'm back and forth with the the with the wife, you know, I'm leaving her

Matt (27:51.054)
What's What's that?

Omar (28:12.226)
You know, she's leaving me, you know, she gets her own place and I'm just still bouncing around. And, you know, I didn't think that I was bad at all. Right. You know what I'm saying? I'm asking everybody for money. I've burnt all my bridges. You know, I can't stay at my mom and dad's house anymore. You know, I can't, I can't go to, to visit people who I, who would normally have me over. And I was not, I was just not welcome anywhere. The only person that would ever give in was my wife, right? And she ended up getting into Section 8 apartment in one of the most terrible neighborhoods in San Antonio on the west side. And she's like, all right. She had found out about the meth. She knew I was using all these things. She's from San Antonio. She's Mexican, but she's not, right? She doesn't know Spanish.

Matt (29:04.588)
She's Mexican?

Omar (29:14.21)
But what's it called? She had her past before I met her and stuff. we found out later on that we're really codependent. So it was like, would get with somebody and it wouldn't work out. And I would get with somebody and it wouldn't work out. And then we're back together. And so I moved back in for a little period of time. You know, she knows I'm doing this and it's also like, you know, I'm making a living out of it, right? I'm not working like, you know, but really I'm just supporting my own habit like like if I have any extra money It's like maybe like ten dollars, know or something like that But there's just like this this thing that you know, whatever I'm believing in my mind I'm saying like this is everybody's out to get me, you know, I'm carrying, know a gun and I'm just like, you know all these things and nobody nobody cares. Yeah

Matt (29:59.106)
Yes, you're like the biggest drug dealer.

Matt (30:11.264)
You like get an eight ball at a time.

Omar (30:14.062)
You know, sometimes, it's crazy. So what's it called? So, so 2017, early 2017, we got a knock at the door and I'm in and out of the house, right? So I'm not technically living there, but every time I come over, I'm very destructive. You know, I get high and I'll break a door or a window or, know, some crazy. I never hurt anybody in the family, like, you know, we realized later that the trauma of screaming and yelling and breaking stuff is very, very harmful. You know, it's trauma, you know what I'm saying? And we're gonna knock on the door. It's it's a CPS, right? You know, you know, they, they drug test me and I come out dirty and they're like, yeah, we need to come up with a plan. I, and you know, they were there like, until like three in the morning. And I was like, you guys just need to leave us alone. You need to leave the house, close the door, and we went upstairs, right? About 30 minutes later, there's a police officer coming in through the window. And they're taking my children at three o'clock in the morning. And that was the most horrible experience I think I've ever had was watching my children get taken by the police at three o'clock in the morning.

Right? What I tell a lot of people that I work with today is that if I look back, that's when I can tell you that I know I'm a real deal drug addict with a problem, right? Is that they took my children and as sad and as scary as it was, I went back upstairs and I got high. Right? They took my children because I was getting high. and I went back upstairs and got high and then I showed up to the CPS office high expecting them to give my kids back demanding that they give my kids back. know, all this nonsense. So we end up on this family drug court. And it was very tough for us because it was like they wanted you to drug test every three days. They wanted you to go to these meetings. They wanted you to do an IOP. And I didn't know anything about any of these things back then. So I was just like, you know, this is just you guys, like, like it's not that serious. Like I don't even live there. You know what I'm saying? And they're like, they don't trust, they don't trust my wife. They believe that she's going to let me back in. All these things. They convinced her to kick me out. So I ended up leaving and I end up living with my parents. Oh no, my parents have my kids. And I go back and get the job back at the hotel, because I had lost it, and it been a couple years. And I'm working there for one weekend, because he only lets me work. He's like, I'm let you work just Saturdays and Sundays. And I'm working there one weekend, and I find this wallet outside, like $3,000 in it. And I was like, Hey man, I quit, you know what saying? You know, I was like, man, this is great. So I show back up at the apartment. You know, she's there and she's like, all right, come in. And I was like, did I have all this money? You know, and she's like, where'd you get this money? Who'd you steal it from? Or what'd you do? And was like, no, I found it, I swear. And she lets me stay for about a week. And then it becomes a problem with the…

They they ask us to go meet once a week and I don't show up on and when they call me there's like lapses in there and it's because I had relapsed on k2 Because well I can't do meth because it's gonna come out on the drug screen Yeah, so maybe I can do a little bit of k2 and it's everywhere in the in the west side, right? That's like the main drug like I show up like hours later like, and I’m like late to the thing and I'm like, they're like, where you been? The meeting's over, know, this and that. And the guy comes in and he's like, have you been using drugs? And I was like, no. And I can already imagine the face that I had, like, like gone. Twisted. it was like, I'm good. And, you know, he was like, you need to be honest with me. Like I can tell if something's not right. And I was like, yeah, I've been getting high. And he's like, well, you need to stay away from

Matt (34:47.169)
Na na na na

Omar (35:00.078)
from your wife, And so I leave. And I have all this money in my pocket. We get home, we have this big argument, and I leave. I had given her the money and she threw it and she gave it to me and she's like, I don't need this, you're just gonna give me in trouble, I want my kids back, you don't care about the kids. And I'm like, I do, know, it's just, I can't help it. And she's not understanding and I'm not understanding why I can't help it. And I'm trying to really
Like put together why I can't help it. You know what I'm saying? You I find out about all these things in the future and it's... Yeah, so I'm out and this is when I was really homeless, right? I was out with $3,000 and I bought about $2,000 worth of a K2, like a big old case. Yeah, it was like a lot. And then when you're in the West side and you're Mexican in San Antonio,
you get the good prices. So I had a lot, right? So my idea was I was gonna sell some of it and I was gonna do some of it. I end up doing all of it and it went really fast. And then like I'm just, I'm waking up and I'm realizing that I've been sleeping outside for who knows how long. And I'm out of all my drugs.

Matt (36:28.631)
And. That plan did not work. Yeah.

Omar (36:30.094)
You know, uh, I'm just like, what's going on? You know, and then, you know, and it's, when's the last time I've eaten? I smell horrible. You know, and now I'm in a clique of people who are, who are just out panhandling. You know what I'm saying? And I'm like, like what just happened? You know, I'm trying to get, I'm trying to muster up $5 so I can go in and get a blunt so I can go in and just feel good for 10 minutes.I'm like, man. and they have to come back and you know, and I'm losing a lot of weight and I'm like, me, my body size, I'm meant to be a big guy, right? know, because when I'm skinnier, I have a big old head so I just look a lot like that. So, you know, I just look terrible, you know, I end up, you know, hanging out with these homeless guys. Well, I'm homeless, right? So just these guys, right? They're just like me. And we're just walking around and in the hot summer, my feet are hurting. I'm just like, what am I doing? I'm stealing hot dogs from the Valeros to get by and sodas, walking in there and just filling up my sodas. We're doing random crazy beer runs. And I'm not getting into any trouble, but I'm just like losing track of time.

And the worst thing that, the thing that that spiraled me out of it was crazy was that I ended up in a park that was right across the street from the apartment where my wife lived. And we're sitting at this park and we're putting together a bunch of these little roaches to try to get a at least a good little decent high for three of us. This guy's like, man I know God is good. And I was like, what, what, what? And he's like, that lady over there dropped some pizza. And she had like these little Caesar's boxes and the pizza had slid out and it fell on the ground. And she just threw the box and she left the pizza there. So I was like, man, I'm not eating that. And he went and he got it and he brought the box back. And he was like, I don't know about you, I'm eating this thing. And I looked at it and I was like, like. Like I'm hungry and I know what it tastes like to eat pizza with dirt in it, And other stuff, you know what mean? We used to go to the church's chicken and wait for them to throw the last bag out. And we'd have to beat it, beat the roaches to the bag, stuff like that. And it just got really bad, So that moment, I'm eating this pizza and I'm like, is, what have I come to, right? And I ended up going to the apartment and knocking on the door and I was like, hey guys, I'll be back, right? I don't know how long I've been with these guys. So I go and knock on the apartment door and my wife comes to the door and she looks at me and she's like,

Matt (39:30.838)
I don't know about-

Omar (39:41.026)
And I was like, hey, how you doing? She's like, hey, how you doing? She's like, you've been gone for like six. You know what saying? Like, hey, how you doing? She's like, you know, and I was like.

Matt (39:47.064)
Six months.

Omar (39:56.108)
I was like, man, I just need a shower and a good place to sleep tonight. She was like, what? And I was like, the park. I was like, messed up. You know what saying? Like I messed up. And it was the hardest thing for me to say, you know, I have a problem, right? And I didn't even tell her that, right? You know, I said, you know, I just, I messed up, you know? And I was like, wow, six months. I was like, that's how long it's been.

Matt (39:59.662)
You're mad.

Omar (40:24.578)
You know, I didn't have any clothes. I had lost all my stuff. And she let me stay the night. She let me eat. She let me take a shower and I stayed the night. The next morning she's waking me up and she's like, you have to go. You know, and I was like, yeah, I get it. And she's like, yeah, cause I have to go. Like you have to go like in the next like 10 minutes. And I was like, okay. I was like, where are you going? And she's like, I'm on the way to court. Today's the day that you lose the rights to your kids. And I was like...man can I come with you? She's like, for real? Like, you really want to come to this court date? She's like, everybody hates you. They're like, come on, get on the bus. You're right, do your hair. You know what saying? Don't show up just like that. I show up to this court date and everybody's mad that I'm there. Like, what are you doing here? This and that. And everybody's just treating me like, you know, like I deserve to be treated because I just bounced on this whole program and I bounced on everybody and I disappeared. didn't make one phone call. didn't reach out to nobody. Nobody knew where I was. And, you know, I'm sure they saw me out there, but nobody, you know, stopped or anything like that. Maybe they did. I don't know.

And that's the first time the judge comes up. He's like, you know, today's the day where we're signing away the rights to your kids. Do you have anything to say for yourself? And I don't know what came over me. God put it in my heart and I openly just said, I have a problem with drugs, And I need help. And I just started crying right there. And it wasn't like this show that I was putting on. was just being genuinely like, yeah, like, bro, like I'm about to lose my kids. I'm about to, I'm about to just, I don't know what's next after this. If I lose my kids and what's the point? You know what I'm saying? And know, and, know, I never stopped loving my kids. You know, when I left the house that I was at, I was in a house and I left the house because the that I was getting high with, she was like, every time you, you,

Matt (42:17.782)
yeah, you're going through

Omar (42:42.894)
you pass out, you start crying and you start talking about your kids and you're, why don't you just go home? And I was like, you know, I'm not taking this and I left, you know what saying? So they put me in my first rehab and it's the only rehab I've ever been to, it's state funded rehab in San Antonio. And you know, I was there and I was there for the, they had a work program. like after 45 days,

You get to leave and go find jobs, come back and you're there for another 45 days. So I stayed there for a total of 90 days. You know, I was just there just to get people off my back. was not, you know, I got sober. I really did. I've never done K2 since 2017, right? But what's it called? I learned a little bit about the program and what it was, what was going on. AA and.
You know, and...and all these other things and I learned about myself and what these chemicals do to me, know, and stuff like that, but no real recovery, you know what saying? So I get out, I get into a sober living home and it's like, it was a terribly rotten sober living home to say the least, right? My roommate was getting high, the leader was getting high and everybody and only like two people were working and one of them was me, you know what I’m saying? So I left, you know what I'm saying? I was there for like about a month and not even that, probably like three weeks and I left. By this time the CPS case was closed, the kids were back home and you know, I come back home with promises of I'm gonna do better and this and that.
I get a job right down the street, and think that lasts for about a month. And I'm walking home and...

Omar (44:46.99)
What's a cup? Bless you. I'm walking home and, oh, I guess I'm lying. That was not the last time I did K2. I'm walking home and I find something on the floor. Just like, oh, why would it be? I've never, you know what saying? I've looked for it while I was, I've never found it. And of course I find one, right? And I'm just, I don't go home.

Matt (45:00.366)
Of course. Never found it before.

Omar (45:17.838)
You know, it just, it got to a point where she was done, right? She like, that's it. Like, you know, I can't have you keep on doing this over and over. Like, I don't want to lose the kids again, right? And I was like, all right. So I went back to using meth and I went back to using K2. So now I'm doing K2 and meth and eventually meth takes over and it doesn't want to share with anybody. So You know, I'm out for about another year. And it's a crazy run. I'm dealing with people who are really dealing a lot of stuff that I never knew that I would see in person. I'm fearing for my life. I got shot in the shoulder. I got stabbed in the side. I started wearing a bulletproof vest and I got shot in the back.

And I died It was just a bunch of crazy, like I was really in that lifestyle.
And, I think it was October, was Halloween 2018. I my first phone. It was all at once, it was great. It was a DWI possession, possession, possession, stolen vehicle, unlawful carry of a weapon, possession of another weapon. All these things, it was like evading because I tried to jump out of the car. was the craziest thing. I ended up in jail.

Matt (46:28.75)
right

Omar (46:53.166)
Up until this point, had been in jail for like a night for like shoplifting, you know what saying? You know, food and stuff. This time, you know, I go up to the judge and the judge is seeing everybody else, everybody's handcuffed together. They're going, you discharged, you discharged, this is how much your bond is, this is how much your bond is, $500, $2,000. You know, it gets to me. And, you know.The bond is like 400,000. You know, and the guy was like going like on this list. I was like, my life is over. You know what saying? I'm done. That's it.

So, you I start calling my mom and my mom's like, you you put yourself in this position, you know, and I'm just there and I'm sitting there and I'm like, well, I went from being really sad overnight to this is my life, right? Nobody's gonna get me out of this. So I'm gonna go in there and I'm gonna be as aggressive as possible because there's no, ain't nobody, you know, the little kid in me came out, right? You know, I saw somebody get beat up You know
The first day I was there and I was like, is not that's not gonna be me, right? So, you know, I was starting fights I was I was making sure people knew that they're not gonna mess with me and I gotta take anything that's You know until I finally got a court date which was like six months down the line You know, my first my first offer was a was like Was 25 years, right? Or I could take it to trial and it could be 2 to 99, right? And at first I was like, yeah, I'm gonna take it to trial. And then my court-appointed lawyer was like, look, you can take it to trial. He was like, I could tell you that you're gonna do good, and all this stuff that any other lawyer is gonna tell you. It wasn't in your hands, it was in the compartment that they unlocked illegally and all this. The thing is, he's like, It's there. And there's witness statements and there's people. So somebody had had had a watch the whole thing go down. Or told on you. Yeah. And
Somebody told on me. And that's what he was getting at. He's like, there's statements, there's text messages, there's pictures. He's like, you know, he started describing a picture, you know? When he described it, I was like, there's no way he could.

Matt (49:33.452)
Yeah, you were like, wait, I know that picture.

Omar (49:35.436)
Yeah, he's like, he's like, yeah, he did it like in the most like, chill out way. And it was just, it was just like, you know, you ever sit on a bar stool with a bunch of money.

Matt (49:46.264)
your hand and the gun on your lap.

Omar (49:49.518)
I was like, okay, that's a crazy accurate description, bro. You know what I'm saying? And he's like, if you go to trial, you might win. There's a 20 % chance that you might win this case. He's like, but there's an 80 % chance that you're gonna go do two to 99. And it's anywhere between two to 99. You know what I'm saying? And I'm like, wow, two years?

Matt (50:14.062)
That's such a crazy spread.

Omar (50:18.446)
You know, anywhere between 99, that's a lot, you know? And the way I've seen people get done in the state of Texas, you know, I got people. Yes, it's been like that for years. It's gotten a little better, but it's still just the system will get you if you don't drop that ego, right? You know what I'm saying? It's, he's like, was like, what do I gotta do? He's like, plead guilty to the drugs.

Matt (50:27.118)
They're bending people over here.

Omar (50:48.278)
and we'll work it out, right? I ended up going, I was in there for about a year
And ended up getting released. and they're getting released a little over a year.
It wasn't even that long. So I was getting released. After I found that out, I signed off on a plea agreement and they gave me 10 years probation.

Matt (51:15.95)
God damn, you're still on probation? Oh my god. Did you have to get permission to come down here? No. You just can't leave Texas.

Omar (51:17.774)
I'm not probationary. So, I'll get to that, right? So, so I do have permission to be here. do have permission to be here. What's it called? So, the first offer was 15 years probation, right? And we'll let you out tomorrow on ankle monitor if you sign off 15 years probation. I was like, I came back and I was like, no, tell them to come on, man. Who does 15 years? Nobody does 15 years probation. I was like, 10 I'll sign 10.

Matt (51:53.282)
That's like life parole.

Omar (51:55.502)
Yeah, so I I'll sign 10. I was like, I'll sign 10. I was like, I can do 10 years on probation. just, you know, just in my head, I'm like, I just smoke K2 this whole time. You know? I don't know. I was just like, whatever. which they test for now, So, so I signed off on 10 years probation, right?

Matt (52:07.512)
Which they test for now.

Omar (52:18.254)
I'm not out long, I'm on ankle monitor. The only place I can go to is my mom's house. It's almost like they do it to set you up for failure, right? I feel, you know what I'm saying? I'm on house arrest, right? And I'm in a place where if I have to go to work, I have to ask for permission to go to work. If I want to go to the gas station, I'm not going to go to the gas station. The only place I can go is doctor's appointments, work or job interviews and AA meetings. That's it, you know what I'm saying? And that's very limited. So I'm hearing having to ask people to take me, can you buy me some cigarettes? Can you buy me a soda? Stuff like that. And it's very annoying. Needless to say, being on ankle monitor and then your parents not understanding your situation, right?
It just, it it got really hard to be there.

Omar (53:20.622)
I get this job at this place where they do, where they cut jalapenos up and hollow them out at night. And I meet this guy and he's like, hey man, I know you're kind of sluggish tonight. He's like, I got something that'll help you boost that, right? And he pulls out a little bit of meth. And I was like, oh man, I'm on probation. Well, today's Friday.

Matt (53:43.708)
You start doing attic meth.

Omar (53:45.664)
I report on Thursday, you know what I'm saying? I was like, yeah, can do a little bit tonight and then maybe tomorrow and then on Monday stop and then by Thursday, I'll be able to pee clean, you know what I'm saying? I was able to do that for about a month or two and then in between that, I'm starting to do things I'm not supposed to at this place where I'm living.
And, you know...I'm getting high quantities of methamphetamines while I'm on probation. While, you know what I'm saying? And I'm just like, this is not good. So I cut my ankle monitor off. was the greatest thing ever. You know what I'm saying? It's like, I'm going to go with the guy who's my plug. I'm going to run away with him.

Matt (54:28.481)
Yes.

Right? Most genius idea ever.

Omar (54:41.742)
You know, so we're gonna live happily ever after and it's gonna be great. You know what I'm saying? yeah, it was, you forget, you know, the time in jail. You forget the homelessness, you forget everything. I'm really good at forgetting. I have a short-term memory, a long-term memory problem, you know, but when it comes to drugs, I forget really fast. The pain and suffering.

Matt (54:47.587)
No.

Omar (55:10.67)
The children crying, the disappointment, you all that, I forget about it. What's it called?
And, I’m doing these crazy things that I'm not supposed to be doing. What's it called? You know? Everything is like, you know, nobody wants me around. The only person that's seeking me out is my mom. Everybody else is kind of like, they've already wrote me off. You know, my probation officer is looking for me and so is the people that I cut the ankle monitor from. It's, I'm out doing these things that I'm not supposed to be doing. know, when you're in the rooms, they say, know, every time I do something, I'm not supposed to end up in places where I'm not supposed to be doing things I'm not supposed to be doing with people I'm not supposed to be with. And I don't know how How far we can go in your conversation, you know, I told myself I was going to talk about things that I've probably not talked about with anybody except my sponsor with, Yeah. And it's only because I've seen your platform and I see what you're talking about.

Matt (56:16.301)
You can talk about whatever you

Omar (56:33.666)
But, you know, I end up with this dude's house. And, you know, I'm. there to serve them and this and that. And, you know. He knows I'm on the run. What's it called? We're sitting there and he's like, you can crash here tonight. You know, my homeboy's coming over.
What's it called? They get there, you know and somewhere down the line, bro, they, they, they grab me right and they put what I what I smelled was heroin, was just black tar heroin and they put it to my mouth, my face and I black out. I think this is one of the things that messed me up the most. As a grown man, bro was that I got taken advantage of by grown men mm-hmm and you know I'm saying. It's not something that I tell people. It was no reason for me to be out there. God had given me an opportunity and I went out there and I found out, you know what saying? It was hard, you know what I’m saying? They ended up, they didn't even rob me. They left me with all my dope and stuff and they dropped me off somewhere and I woke up a few days later and I had like an injection in my arm where they probably shot me up. I don't know how long this was. I just know what happened. You know what I'm
And, you know, and You know and it messed me up bad, bro.

Matt
Yeah for sure that'll fuck you. That'll fuck someone up.

Omar (58:13.07)
I'm saying You know, it's probably going to make sense to a lot of people who watch this that know me now. It's not one thing that I talk about, you know. You know, I tried suicide a couple times when I lost my kids, right? You know, I was at the apartment. I tied this extension cord and I was like, is this high enough? Because I was on the steps and I fell and I like, was like, no, I wasn't ready. You know, and like, it like caught me and I broke.

Matt (58:27.618)
Yeah.

Omar (58:53.9)
I had this black ring around my neck for like months and months, but nothing made me wanna die more than And I tried. I put the gun to my head, you know, and I clicked it and I had the safety on. You know what I'm saying? You know, that's the worst, because when you're really committed and you forget one thing, it's like, you know, I can't even do this right. So I had all this dope and I was like, I'm just going to eat all this dope. saying? You know, I've OD'd a couple of times along the way.

Matt (59:28.59)
Yeah,

Omar (59:37.87)
I don't know if I OD'd, I just know I woke up with a lot of throw up on me. And a lot less dope, now I have no dope. Now I have a little bit of cash, now I'm gonna stay at this hotel. I'm on the run, ended up back on the streets, now I'm sober, walking around.
Trying to make money for figure things out for dope and. I'm just lost out there, bro.
Cause I was like, man, I really wanted to die. Now it's it's time has passed where I'm like, okay, I have kids, you know what saying? Things are, you know, I can get past this if I find the right person and I start praying. My faith in God, I was raised Catholic, but Christianity was something that my wife was trying to push on me for a long time. I never really wanted to feed into it. I started praying to God, right? You know what I'm saying? And I You know, for me, that was just like a, that was a time where I was like, if you pay attention to the way God works, I mean, if I pay attention to the way God works for me, right, is every time I pray, things change in ways where I think it sucks and I, you know, it's like people leave me and people start mentioning phone calls and all these things. And that's just God working in my life, right, doing the things that I can't do for myself, right? And, you know,

I call the wife and I ask her, I'm like, hey, I want to see the kids. You think I can see the kids? And she's like, well, let me come by and see you. They're in school right now. She comes and she tells me that she's living at this place called Haven for Hope in San Antonio. So she's in the homeless shelter. She's lost everything. What's it called, she can't help it, right? You know what I'm saying? There's no home to go to. She sees me and she looks at me and she's like, man, you've been going through it right? know, she's always shown me like the non, she was the first person to show me like real love, unconditional. You know, you know that didn't judge, right? You know what I'm saying? Like, you know, she was mad. You know what I'm saying? But it was, it was a not judgmental, right? She's like, let's go to the store. Let's get you some clothes. Let's rent a hotel. Get you showered up. She bought me these shoes. to, I'll never forget, it was Ross. Went to Ross and they had these champion shoes. And it said, it takes a little more to make a champion. Like written out on there. And I've been like, one thing that I skipped on my childhood is I was a graffiti artist for a while. So I've always been into art and graffiti and stuff like that. What's it called? When I saw those shoes, I was like, man, she's like, those are meant for you, right? And they were my size. I'm a size 13. It's really hard to find shoes that are my size. And I've never seen shoes like those ever again. They pop up every so often on my feed. it happened to be October. of 2019. And the reason I remember those days was because she was like, well, if you have any dope on you, you need to get rid of it. And I was like, all right. And she's like, if you want to see the kids, you got to go to church with us on Sunday. And I said, OK. So we spent the weekend together. It was great. The kids miss seeing dad. They don't understand why I'm always gone. They don't get it, but they know the older one's not.
So I end up going to church with her and as we leave church, we get pulled over.

Matt (01:03:46.316)
Right.

Omar (01:03:47.886)
by an undercover police officer, right? And I was like, oh no, but I'm in the passenger seat. And I was like, and her license is suspended and the stickers are out. And I'm like, I ain't got nothing to worry about. I'm just chilling in the passenger seat. They come to the passenger seat, the passenger door, and they start asking me questions. And I finally like, know, my ID. Yep, that's him. This is what we've been looking for. Stop going back to jail. October 6th, 2019. the last time I ever used methamphetamines. It's the last time I ever used any other hard mind-altering substance. I find out later that she turned me in. She turned me in. Because they let her go, you know what I’m saying? They didn't even run her license and everything. I'm over here like, what? And I would ask her, like, did you turn me in? And she's like, They would call and ask about you, but I never did that.

Matt (01:04:43.256)
Nah, just, you know.

Omar (01:04:50.062)
So I'm in jail, which I think I'm going to prison, right? Because I on come on and I'm off. I've been gone for who knows how long. And, you know, I'm You know, when God does things for you that you don't understand, you know, I was a high-risk inmate when I was in there the first time. They put me in there with people who had murderers and people who had, you know, done horrendous crimes, and I was just like, you know, this guy that came in there for drugs.
I ended up in a trustee pod. And I was like, this is not right, but I'm not gonna say nothing. You know what saying? And I was like, oh, okay. They gave me a job, and my job was to clean the CEO's hallways, and give them water and coffee and ice and stuff like that. The officer that was in charge of me having that job, he's like, you're not supposed to be in this pod, are you? And I was like, no.

He's like, but you're okay with me, so I'm not gonna tune you in, you know? But if somebody else finds out, they're gonna move you around. And I was like, all right. So if you know anything about, or maybe bear counted jails, how it works, if you're a trustee, the only thing that you can bring back from when people come, I have to clean up their mess, because they leave it there. They throw all their stuff. They're like, I'm out of here, bro. I'm going home, you know? And out of all the other things that I can grab is one thing, and it's the Bible. Right, it's the holy Bible.
In jail, it's really hard for you to come up with a Bible, especially in Barrett County at that time, right? So I started bringing these Bibles back to the pod, I'm stacking up like about like 10 Bibles.

Matt (01:06:38.296)
Right. Yeah.

Omar (01:06:40.718)
I don't know anything about the Bible. don't read it. I don't open it. bring me the, they have these things. The chaplain comes and I don't go. I'm just focused on working and bringing these Bibles back. In my mind, I was like, I'm gonna sell them. I'm gonna get some soups for them or something like that. Nobody wants to buy a Bible. You know what I'm saying? And next thing you know, I'm like, I gotta get rid of these things. Cause now I got like 15 of them. got some that are in Spanish, some that are in. In English, some that are, you know, NIV, some are this. I don't know any other difference. So I started giving them away. I started coming home with more.
And then more and more. This guy wakes me up at night and he's like, he's like, you're the Bible guy.

Matt (01:07:29.23)
All right.

Omar (01:07:32.174)
And I'm like, what? What did you say? just called me and he's like, the Bible guy, got the Bibles, right? You know what I'm saying? You want a Bible, man? And he's like, yeah. I was like, okay. So I gave him a Bible. He's like, hey man, tomorrow we're having a... I'd like you to join us. I was like, I'm all right. You know what I'm saying?

Matt (01:07:44.878)
prayer call and I'm you know, well, maybe, you know.

Omar (01:07:56.718)
I just started thinking about it, right? it just started, like the gears started turning. We started doing prayer call. And then I took it serious because it was just, it wasn't about what was in the book. It was about the experiences that they had, that people were having with.
with God and their experience experiences. They just, it it odd me, you know, like this is what they believe and it's just, like I just started feeling like the warmth of it. I end up, I end up, the guy that's leading the prayer call leaves. This guy comes up to me, he speaks Spanish and he's like, other people for the prayer call. And man, can you help?

And I'm very aggressive and very loud at this point, you know, so I'm like, prayer call, you know, come to prayer call. If you don't come to prayer call, I'm going to come, you know, come get you to prayer call. And now we're singing and I'm learning songs and I'm praying at night. We've got a circle going around. The guys come and, you know, I'm just, I embrace this thing that I don't know anything about this, you know, and this guy, you know, I was like, I don't know. He's like, do you know anything about? what God did for you and this and that and he starts reading John 3.16 and he just starts, you know, enlightening me about this Bible.

I was still not fully in, you know, but I was, you know, I started praying, right? And I never prayed before in a way of like, hey, look, I'll change. And if you give me another opportunity, you know, I know I'm probably gonna go to prison. haven't seen anybody, nobody's come to talk to me. It's been about 40, 45 days, you know, and you know, I guess it is what it is, you know, I wanna learn more about this, but now You know, I also want to be close to my family. And the very next day, in San Antonio and Bear County, they call RCO1. And that's when you get to go home and they show up. RCO1, the very next day, and I was like, what? Pack your stuff. And I just started packing my stuff, you know, and I'm like, I'm really going home today. this is, because in my mind, I I just cut my ankle monitor off. I was on the run, you know.

Matt (01:09:55.726)
next day.

Matt (01:10:08.75)
Means that you're going home.

Omar (01:10:21.452)
All this and that, they're gonna send me to do some time. They sent me home with the court date. Apparently there was this thing called COVID coming out, you know what I'm saying? And then they had to clear out some space, you know, it was a really heartwarming experience for me because this is something that I had literally prayed about and...
Now I know understand that prayer doesn't work like that, but yeah, you know to me that's what it meant right it meant that God heard

Matt (01:10:55.49)
Well, why, why, it maybe did.

Omar (01:10:57.966)
Maybe it did, right? You know what I'm saying? You know, and that's what it felt like to me at the time is that God listened to what I was talking about. And because I genuinely meant it, right? Because I was tired, right? And I knew that I was going to die and I had experienced things that I'd never want to experience ever again. You know, I was really just surrendering, you know what I'm saying? Surrendering to God at that moment in time. And I was like,
If there's any way you can do this, make it happen and I will follow you. You know what I'm saying? I didn't know that's how it worked in the Bible. know, he's like, you know, everybody followed Jesus everywhere. You know, and he's like, follow me if you want a better life or whatever. And, you know, I get out and I get out with no ankle monitor, right? They just report to your probation officer. So I report to my probation officer. I go see her and she's like, Mr. Chavarria, what happened? And I was like, yeah, same probation officer. she's like, it was six months. It was a six month period. And same probation of along with it And, in six or seven, I think it seven months. It six and some change. She was like, I was like, I just, I told her I started doing drugs again. You know what I'm saying? She was like, so what are we gonna do now? And I was like, can you put me into an outpatient program where I can go see. I don't know. You know, I messed up. about this and that you know, I get out of jail. Before that, I get out of jail, you know. And you get out of jail and you're like, yes, I'm getting out of jail. And then you get out of jail and you realize, I don't have anywhere to go. You know what I'm saying? I don't have no money. You know, the wife is a haven for hope. I can't go there because we're not legally married. You know I'm saying? So, you know, I end up sleeping in the van a couple nights because she still has the van.

Matt (01:13:03.384)
I'm out.

Omar (01:13:10.19)
I sleep a couple nights out there and it is... It is not... That is not it. You know, sleeping in the van outside of a homeless shelter in the middle of the night is crazy. You know what I'm saying? There's people doing karate and biting each other and, you know, police are just non-stop. You can't sleep outside of a homeless shelter at night. It's just not possible. It's crazy, bro. So I'm just like...What am I going to do? So I start thinking back and there's this place in San Antonio called Club 12. And they have meetings there. The wife is giving me the car. It's crazy, right? Because she's giving me her debit card, the food stamp card, and the keys to the van. And she's like, go do something, find a job. Here's the card for gas. Don't use it. I have this much money. Here's the pin. Here's the pin to the... You know, and I'm like, why? I wouldn't trust me. You know what I'm saying? It's just the craziest thing, right?
So I ended up at this place, I ended up looking for my brother. My brother, he's a police officer. I inspired him to be a police officer and I asked him. if I could go and live with them. He said that he didn't want to see me at that point in time. And I said, okay. Cool, you know what I'm saying?

Omar (01:14:45.166)
I go to Club 12. I walk in, because I know that they have coffee there. And I'm like, is it free coffee? Or is it just, do I have to pay for it? And I go in there. And I was like, hey, is the coffee free? They're like, no, it's like a dollar, 80, or something like that. And I was like, I'm walking out. There's an old timer. He's looking at me. He's like, you want coffee? I was like, yeah, man, but I'm good. It's all right. I'll figure it out." And he's like, no, no, I'm sitting down, you know, and he buys me a coffee and just has a genuine conversation with me. And he's like, you should stay for the next meeting. I was like...

Matt (01:15:28.844)
Okay.

Omar (01:15:29.74)
I didn't. I left. I finished the coffee and I went back outside to the van. There was a friend of mine who had been reaching out to me that we went to treatment together and he'd been reaching out to me time after time like, you should come to Sober Living, right? You know, it's done wonders for me. He's like, it might change your life. It might not, you know what saying? You never know. And I was like, nah, man, I did the Sober Living thing before and it was just like, it was terrible.
I was like, but can I come take a shower? He's like, yeah, you. You know what I'm saying? He got me to come over and I walk in the door. You know, they're like, you hungry? They give me a plate of food. They give me, you know, you need a towel. Here's a towel. There's some shampoo in there. There's this different kind, this different kind. If you need hair gel, there's some hair gel right here. I got you some blankets and some pillows. And I was like, no, I'm just taking a shower. No, bro, can just crash tonight, bro. You got three nights, you can crash here.

Matt (01:15:59.726)
Yeah, yeah. You got me,

Omar (01:16:25.836)
You know what I'm saying? It was an Oxford house. Yeah, was an Oxford house. And so they had these rules, right? You can come and crash your couch for three nights. I sat there with this guy, his name is... He's really good friend of mine too. And what's it called? He sat with me. Because I was there and I'm like, this is weird. This is a weird environment because everybody's happy.

Matt (01:16:30.082)
I was gonna say.

Matt (01:16:37.046)
And you know, his name is John and he still lives to day.

Omar (01:16:55.658)
Everybody's like nice and clean because this is not the experience I had the first time if for sure the first time I was like just like I was in a trap house You know I'm saying and this time. It's like the house is nice. There's like you know it's got like it's like wood floor It's a really nice house
Just the environment, you know, I'm saying there's a trophy on the the on the On the above the fireplace that says, you know number one house of the year, you know And I was like, okay. I'm in the best Oxford house There is at this point in time right, you know, and then my friend he has his right next to it was another trophy It was my friend. It was a man of the year. So he had he had been doing all these things and I was like, oh All right. Well, I guess I'm in a good place right, you

Matt (01:17:41.422)
Bye now.

Omar (01:17:42.56)
He's like, yeah, man, I'd ask you to stay, nobody ever leaves here. You know, you know, everybody's been here for more than a year. Like, well, you know what saying? Like, why would I, why, why'd you bring me out? He's like, I can get you in the house down the street and this and that. And I was like, nah, man. I mean, if I was going to stay anywhere, I'll stay here, but I'll crash another night. And that night, one of the, one of somebody, one of the guys that he's like, Hey man, my mom's sick and I have to go back and live with her. So that same night, that same night that I was, he told me that there was nobody ever leaves, somebody left. And he's like, hey man, this guy's leaving. If you really want to stay, we can, you know, do the interview process and all this stuff. And I ended up staying there. I learned a lot of things about sober living. I learned a lot. I learned that it can work for you and then it can work. Yes, very well. I got kicked out of that one for losing my meeting sheet three times. Right? You know what saying?

Matt (01:18:34.542)
Against you.

Omar (01:18:42.242)
but I ended up getting a job the first two weeks and I ended up getting saved the following week and then I had court. So I had gotten court and they were trying to send me to SADF or to, yeah, or SAFEP or to do drug court, are all intense programs and I was like,

Matt (01:18:57.198)
Where's AP?

Omar (01:19:06.592)
Everybody that was there was like, we'll write letters for you. know, this is a man. These programs suck. If you go to any of these programs, you know what saying? It's going to be at least nine months. And it's basically like you're back in jail or in prison. Right. So. Again, I find myself, you know, I thought, you know, I this is when I finally started going to church and I get myself, I get saved, right. I give my life to Christ. I. I tell the pastor I want to get

Matt (01:19:12.719)
You're fucked. Yeah

Omar (01:19:36.29)
I want to get baptized, you know what saying? But I need to get baptized before the sixth because on the sixth, I have court again and they might send me away for a long time and I want to get baptized at this church because these people, literally when I walked in, that day that I walked in, the day that I got arrested, I walked in and everybody was like, and I realized, I was told later on, right, that they had been praying for me to come off the streets for like six months. And they were just at a certain time every week. At this time of the day, they were praying specifically for me, all together at once. And then they all saw me walk into this church wanting a different life, and then I get arrested, you know what I'm saying? So to them, was like, God is working. I was like, then now to me, it's like God was working, you know what saying, in His own way.

Matt (01:20:19.756)
No, you're not.

Omar (01:20:28.974)
I end up at another Oxford house. there and then... The first two weeks I was in the first house, I got job at a meat market.

Matt (01:20:34.984)
And No.

Matt (01:20:43.948)
Omar (01:20:44.814)
It was the only place that would hire me, you know what saying? Because I had a bunch of fresh felonies. Nobody wants to hire a fresh felon. And not even McDonald's, Little Caesars. Nobody wanted to, like nobody wanted me. And this guy was like, why won't anybody hire you? was like, because that guy felonies, he's like, you got your social and your idea. was like, yeah. He's like, I'll give you a job. And he's like, you ever cut me before? I was like, no. He's like, you're going to learn. And I was like, cool. He's like, I'm not gonna start you off at $20 an hour like everybody else. I'm gonna start you off at nine. And I was like, okay, so I'm like, like, you didn't need to tell me that. Because now in my head, I'm like, I'm making $9 an hour and the guy next to me, who doesn't know any English, you know what I'm saying, is making $20, you know, and I'm like, what's going on here?

Matt (01:21:31.158)
And, right. and,

Omar (01:21:33.208)
You know, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to. COVID hits and I find an excuse to make it back home, right? You know, because they had written this crazy thing that the judge, when I went back to see the judge, the guy who had, who was in charge of the SADF program was on vacation and they weren't taking any applications for drug court at that time.

Omar (01:22:01.358)
And she's like, I told her, was like, whoa, I got a job. I'm living a sober living. I've gone to two meetings a day every day since I've gotten out of jail. And she was like, okay. I was like, I got saved. I got baptized. I've been part of a church. All these things. And she was like, okay, I'm just gonna reinstate you and you're to stay in this program until you complete it. I was like, cool, yeah, I agree to it.

Matt (01:22:22.253)
Duh.

Omar (01:22:30.606)
You don't complete Oxford, you know what saying? There's no completion, right? So in like my, I couldn't leave an Oxford house until I was, I don't know what that meant, right? So once COVID hit, I told her, you know, the wife had gotten an apartment, you know, everything had, you know, she was doing good. I was, was, I was cured, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. I had a, and she was like, uh, all right, you know, go ahead and,

Matt (01:22:48.459)
Yeah.

Omar (01:23:00.846)
I'll give you two more months there and then you can go. Right? So COVID hits. This is where I started to fall in love with the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Right? And that's my program, right? That's the one that saved my life. I know everybody has their own program. But I'm a Meth and K2 addict that got sober in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I understand it. It makes sense to me. And the community is great, right? There's definitely a lot of things that I'm not 100 % on, you know what saying? But that first run, I half-assed the steps, right? I had a sponsor who was my friend. We ran through it, you know what saying? And I checked off these boxes and I was like, cool.

Matt (01:23:40.534)
Right?

Omar (01:23:58.03)
He's like, sponsor people, I'm sponsoring guys and nobody's staying sober because we're not doing the program right. You know what saying? Because I don't know how to do it right. But what I do get out of it, right, is during COVID they shut down Club 12, right? And there's this lack of meetings, right? And when you put the same drive in for recovery that you do into doing the drugs, right, it becomes crazy because now I have a vehicle and I'm out. with these guys from this Oxford house and we're looking for these hidden meetings, because we're having these, because now you can, if they catch you outside and there's more than a certain amount of people, they'll shut it down. So we're having them behind alleys, we're having these meetings in these buildings, these apartment buildings. Crazy stuff, y'all, and it was cool, man. was like, this is what we're fighting for. We're fighting to keep this community alive and not to keep.

Matt (01:24:44.3)
going to Bandos

Omar (01:24:55.392)
not to keep the meeting alive, it's to keep everybody alive. And I believed that at that point in time. And there was this one day that I showed up because I wanted to find a men's meeting and it was on the meeting app and it was at seven o'clock on Mondays at Club 12. And I was like, I wonder if they have that meeting outside, because they were having other meetings outside. And I show up with a buddy of mine and there's two old guys outside. Sitting down in the two chairs and I'm like hey is there a meeting here? Looking at it, you know I'm saying and I was like, alright So I get off and you know, it's a this old timer named Fred or he was like, yeah But you know, you can't dress like that if you're gonna be here and I was like what and he was like, nah, I'm just playing I was like, alright, you got jokes and we sat there we had a we had a conversation and he sounded like he'd been through some things that I've been through and He was from the same side of town that I struggled on, you know what saying? And we hit it off and I started inviting people every Monday to this meeting. then Fred got sick and nobody was there to the meeting, right? So, you know, I started chairing the meeting, right? Then I started bringing this ice chest, because it was hot with water and Gatorade. You know, I started posting it on Facebook. And people were against that. They're like, you can't be posting it on Facebook. It's, I'm like, bro, it's COVID, bro. You know what saying? We're trying to save people's life and you're worried about, you know, tradition. I get it. You know what saying? There's a lot of things that people were against that I was doing, but I was like, I don't care. You know, I ended up making a three or four man meeting into a ongoing 20 person meeting and it's all men, right? And they're showing up and I got my truck.

You see my truck back there and now I have chairs and now we have this meeting outside and it's so fulfilling just to see people come and just be a part of, you know what mean? And I look back at it, I I really, just, I was just there as a spiritual support because I really didn't know those steps. Like I knew them, but I was just going through like the daily reflection of reading and what it meant to me and then what it means to you, you know I'm saying? And here we go, pick a topic or what are you struggling with? or check in, you know what saying? Get to know each other, exchange numbers. And that meeting went on until they opened, think Club 12 was closed for about a year. And then it stayed outside for about another five months and then it got cold and they brought it back inside. you know, that meeting is still alive today, you know what I'm saying? And I don't say that I kept it alive. I don't say that I had any part of it. It was all God, but I was there when it was about to die. Right? know, old-timer Fred, died last year with 39 years sober. Right? You know, and that was an inspiration to me.

Omar (01:28:02.39)
So, know, fast forward, you know, I'm working at Goodwill now. I've been working there for a while, working my way up. I stopped going to these meetings. I started going from like going to five meetings a week to, you know, three meetings a week to two meetings a week to one meeting a week to sponsoring guys, to not sponsoring guys. And, you know, the wife is going through nursing school, you know, and all these things. So I'm taking care of all the kids. I'm paying the bills.

Omar (01:28:31.694)
I told her it don't work, you know, it's gonna be all right. I'm managing, you know, I'm managing to pay the bills with $12 an hour working overtime, you know what saying? And I get bored, right? I get stressed out, you know what saying? And, you know, I say that October 6th, 2019 is the last time I used methamphetamines in K2. That's that, but I ended up relapsing on weed and alcohol, right?

Omar (01:29:00.406)
I started off with alcohol, right? I don't like drinking. So I was like, it cannot become a problem. You know what saying? I was like, it'll relax me. It'll take the edge off. You know what saying? All these things. And, you know, I quickly realized that I don't like to drink and it's not getting me to where I want to get, right? So I go to this head shop and they have this thing called Delta 8. So I started smoking this Delta 8 and I realized later on somebody tells me, like, you just might as well get the real stuff because It's got TAC in it I was like, no way, because I'm on probation and I have to report. Because now I'm on three months, every three months, right? You know what I'm saying? And I was like, all right.

Omar (01:29:44.95)
I'll just smoke for two months. I won't smoke the last month and I'll be able to pass a drug test. But I forgot about everything. I forgot about the last incident that happened. I forgot about everything that, know, the terrible that happened to me. I forgot about everything. Really instantly, you know I'm saying? I was like, this is a good idea.

Matt (01:30:11.83)
Yeah, genius. Genius idea, yeah.

Omar (01:30:14.586)
You know what saying? I'm you know, now moving up to edibles and now I'm waking up under the table in the kitchen. Waking up in the shower just because I, you know, because there's, so who knows who's making this and they don't know what they're doing. It could be 10 milligrams or it could be a hundred, you know what I'm saying? You know, sometimes, you know, you feel it and sometimes you don't even know who you are, you know, and, you know, that was my last relapse, right? It was on, it went on for about four months. And around this four month period.

We get married. First time and we've never we've never been married before and this was a This was it was a so it we get married I drink and boom full-blown relapse, right and It didn't take long before CPS was back You know I'm saying it didn't take long, you know because nosy neighbors were in the apartment complex and stuff like that, you know and you know

Matt (01:31:08.522)
no!

Omar (01:31:20.171)
Right now I'm going through another case, so I won't talk too much about all of that, but CPS came into my life, right? And I had to leave, right? And,

Matt (01:31:30.946)
Is that how you ended up in Dallas?

Omar (01:31:33.006)
This is how I ended up in Dallas, right? There's a lot of in-between, but what's crazy, right, is the way that it played out, right? So I get a phone call from a good buddy of mine, Scott, right? And Scott, I've been following him for years because of his recovery. And I realize that I haven't talked to anybody in a while, and he calls me, And I just took an edible.
I just lit a blunt and he calls me he's like, hey man, where you been? I was like, oh man, you know, I've just been busy with work and the kids. He's like, ain't seen you in the meetings in a while, bro. You know, it's been a few months, you know, we're just checking in, you know what saying? And I was like, to be honest man, I relapsed. I relapsed and drinking here and there. He's like, oh man, he's like,

Matt (01:32:23.788)
I'm smoking weed.

Omar (01:32:33.486)
don't know why, really. I really don't, you know what I'm saying? Because at that point, I had gotten bored, miserable, and I was like, this what sobriety is gonna be, is just me being miserable this whole time, sober? And I was like, well, I'll just take the edge off, and then I'm getting high, and then I'm getting high, and I'm like, this is taking, I still feel miserable. There's something there that I'm not taking care of. It's kind of what we talked about earlier, right? I wasn't addressing any of that.

Omar (01:33:04.43)
He's like, why don't you come back to the meetings? And I was like, honestly bro? Because I'm embarrassed. I was like, you know, I three and a half years of sobriety and I just flushed him down the toilet, right? And I just decided to get high and just give up on the program. he was like, tell you what, he's like, how about you go to this drug addicts anonymous meeting that we have going on on Tuesdays, 7400 Brock. Blanco over here, and it's at seven o'clock.

Omar (01:33:40.494)
I'll see you bro. He's like no, I'm gonna see you there. If not, I know where you live and I'm gonna come find you and we're gonna go to the next meeting, right? And he's like, he's like, he's like bro, like quit being an idiot. I know, I know Bubba, I don't know him personally, but I know people that work close to him like John Russell. John Russell is the John that I was talking about earlier. Yeah, why you? Buff John, he's a.

Matt (01:33:51.406)
Do you know, Bubba?

Matt (01:34:03.47)
Wait, why John? Hold on, this John?

Omar (01:34:09.998)
Peace.

Matt (01:34:11.515)
Okay, Yeah, dude. Yeah, okay

Omar (01:34:14.958)
Yeah, so, yeah, the pastor's calling me.

Matt (01:34:24.385)
He knows where I am at. Alright.

Omar (01:34:26.222)
He's gonna see the podcast. What's it called? So, where was I? so he tells me, he's like, you come into this meeting, right? And I was like, yeah. So he's checking up on me every day. And he's like, just flush everything that you have. And I was like, no.

Matt (01:34:44.878)
That was expensive.

Omar (01:34:47.214)
I'm gonna spend the weekend, you know enjoying the rest of my high and then I'll end up going to this meeting, right? So you know getting kicked out of that apartment that we were in because there's too many people in the department and So I go to this meeting get my desire chip and You know the meetings about apps and all this stuff and you know
We were. Scott, he's there, you know, this other guy, his name's Roy, and you might know Roy as well, and what's it called, he comes around, he's like, hey man, you been around before, right? And I was like, yeah, I mean, kind of, he's like, what happened, you relapsed? And I was like, yeah, he's like, why don't you sober for like three and a half years, or three years, or something like that? And I was like, yeah, but I threw it, all the way And out of the crowd, this guy comes in and he's like, didn't... You what saying? He said other words. I'm trying to work on my language. I don't know if you can tell. And he was like, know... He's like, you didn't lose none of that. He's like, whoever told you that, they don't know what they're talking about. He's like, you can't throw away experience that you gained.

Matt (01:35:51.726)
I can't

Matt (01:35:57.363)
I'm doing good.

Omar (01:36:14.67)
He's like, might've made a mistake and went back out, but you still learned something along the way. He's like, you know, my buddy Scott told me, he's like, same thing. He said, he's right. He's like, he's like, you didn't lose anything. He's like, if anything, you have something I don't have. You know what it's like to be sober for a long period of time and relapse. He's like, I don't know that. He's like, so it was just like all these things. And I was like, and this dude, he was like, he was like, what you need to do, you need to get your head out of your ass. You need to start working this program and getting the steps and he's just yelling at me right and I'm like where's this guy's problem and I was like you want to be my sponsor? know I'm saying and he's like he's like yes He's like he's like but I don't got time to waste you know I'm saying so he's like if you're gonna do this we're gonna do this for real and You know The following week CPS is at my door and I get kicked out. You know I'm saying and Tuesday to Friday four days sober and
You know, I'm like… I just got paid. You know, we got approved for this other apartment. And I'm like, well, I can just go back to what I was doing.

Omar (01:37:26.744)
just run for the hills or I could try to face this problem head on, right? And I called my buddy John and he ends up, I was like, hey man, know any houses that'll take me in? And he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. How about you come to this house and...
I'll be there. So I show up and he's the house manager of this house called Unity in San Antonio. This was a popular house. It was owned by one person, Justin Rudder, who was a big mentor of mine. And they have these Halloween parties every year. They're like these epic Halloween parties that everybody shows up. The whole block is covered in cars. Everybody shows up and they have Halloween costumes and they go all out and we do contests and it's all sober. They have ice chests full of like Red Bulls and sodas and waters and it's just a bunch of addicts having fun and the police show up and they're like, what's going on here? You guys having a party? Yeah, and they come in and know, come in, there's pizza. Y'all wanna have fun with us? We're just sober, nobody's here using drugs or anything like that. The music's low, we're being respectful. I think the people that you're looking for are down the street, you know what saying? And there was another party going on. And so it's this house. And I'm like, I know this house, right? And so the moment that I walked into the house, I felt a spiritual presence, right? And I took the 12 steps real serious this time around. I thank my sponsor for that because he...He pushed me through that. He gave me these deadlines. And when I would call him, he would tell me, he's like, I thought you said you surrendered to God and that you had faith. And I'm like, yeah. He's like, then why are we talking? And he would hang up the phone. And I'm like, and then I would call him back and then he's like, did you pray about it? No. Hang up the phone again. I'm like, this dude, right? You know what I'm saying? And then I would sit there and think about it. And I'm like, well, I haven't prayed about it. It's not that serious. And I would call him down and I'd call him and I'm like, yeah.

Omar (01:39:39.534)
I prayed and he's like, did you come up with? It's not that big of a deal. Then why are you calling me for it, bro? Hang up again, you know what I'm saying? And that relationship went like that for the first four steps, right? After the fifth step, it became like, okay, we got somewhere. You know I'm saying? He's like, you know, he's pushing you through these steps, right? And when I did the fifth step, that story I told you about earlier, He was the first person I ever told that story to. And he kept telling me, he's like, man, you're giving me some bullshit right now. He's like, this right here, you're surface level bullshit. You're not dealing with what you really need to deal with. I can tell that you're holding back. And he's like, you know what, matter of fact, closes book, gets up. He's like, thank you for your time, bro. You're gonna have to go and find somebody else that's gonna waste their time with you. And this is never gonna help you if you don't take it seriously. So he sticks his hands out, he's like, and I'm just looking at him like, You really just gonna bounce on me right now? no, I didn't tell him that yet. I didn't tell him that yet, right? And all I was telling him about these abandonment issues and being alone all these years and all these things, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's something deeper that's messed you up. That's why you're still miserable. And then so I start going through some other stuff and then I get to that and he's like.

Matt (01:40:37.961)
Yo, I just told you that, yo!

Omar (01:41:01.784)
So, you know, he sits down, he has sat down and we start going through, and he's like, there you go, bro. You know, and then, you know, you know, he taught me about, you know, everything that we do, everything that we're upset about and all the people that we're upset at, we had a part to play in all these things. It's because you made a choice, right? You made a choice to be here. You made a choice to relapse. You made a choice to cut your ankle, come on around. You made a choice a long time ago to start using drugs and alcohol.

Don't blame your situation. Don't blame your parents. Don't blame anything. It's the choices that we make that make us that bad problem. He's like, you're in your own way. He had told me to open up my big book when I first met him. He's like, open up your big book. See the first page? I was like, yeah. He's like, that's everything that you know about Alcoholics Anonymous and being so. He's like, right? And then he tells me the first promise, this is a story of how thousand-minute women recovered from alcoholism.

Matt (01:42:09.518)
Seemingly hopeless and helpless, yeah.

Omar (01:42:12.206)
He said, circled the word recovered. He said, because we're working on getting recovered. It doesn't mean we're cured. It doesn't mean that we're done forever. It's just that we're recovered. And recovered means we have to continuously keep working on ourselves. And then when we worked that, when we got through that fifth step, he got up and he's like, it was nothing. Because I was afraid.

Matt (01:42:40.609)
yeah.

Omar (01:42:40.866)
I was afraid to be judged. I was afraid to be shamed. You know what saying? Because of that experience, I was able to share that with you here today. You know what saying? Because of that experience, I'm here today. You know I'm saying?

Matt (01:42:52.948)
Yeah..

Omar (01:42:55.224)
People say that the, you know, the fifth step is hard, the hardest is like, the hardest part is eight and nine when you have to go back and tell them, problems, you know, I know I messed you up and I know I screwed you over and I did this and this is this to you, how did it make you feel? Dang, you know what I'm saying? And then what can I do to make it right? You know, and you really have to follow through with that. And you know, that was hard, you know I'm saying? And then, but the most spiritual experience that I've ever had was walking another person through the stand.

Matt (01:43:26.717)
Yeah, right

Omar (01:43:28.546)
You know, it grew my relationship with Christ for me even greater, right? So I'm there for a year at the Sober Living House. I'm sponsoring like 10 guys. I'm like, you know, going around, I'm like trying to be Mr. AA, I know this, I know that. know, going to as many meetings as I can, working on the CPS case, you know, trying to figure things out. You know, me and my wife, you know, we kind of our relationship kind of skewed off You know, we ended up losing the kids because I couldn't stay away, right? The problem was me, right? So, you know, they ended up taking the kids eventually because they found out I was staying there and I wasn't supposed to. I was getting nights out at the sober living home, so was taking them over there and I was supposed to do that. then, know, one thing led to another. So our relationship really got rocky, right?

My buddy Scott comes up to me and he's like, you know, there's this faith-based program that's looking for house managers, right? I've been offered house manager positions from other houses and stuff. And I was like, I don't know, man, you know, I'm dealing with a whole bunch of stuff. you know, he's like, yeah, I get you've got other offers and these other houses are different. He's like, but this faith-based program is different. And he's like, and you're to have so much support. He's like, I'm be there with you along the way, know, this and that. you know, and he's like, every right.

Matt (01:45:06.12)
And Scott was at Oxford House, right? Huh? Scott was the guy that was at Oxford House?

Omar (01:45:09.486)
No, Scott was he was just the guy that else Yeah, yeah, so he he's like he's like I'm managing one house. He's like they're gonna you know, man You can manage the other house and I was like, all right Free rent sounds good. You know I'm saying so I went and three weeks later he bounces, you know, I end up

Matt (01:45:12.248)
Follow the DA.

Omar (01:45:38.124)
really taking this house manager position really seriously. Sober Living did something to me where it became a safe space. And knowing that it's not that serious when people are leaving dishes out and stuff like that, but when they are, it's meaning that they're being careless. And when they care less about little things, there's bigger things at play that they don't care about. it taught me a lot, know, it's it's a lot. It's a crazy experience if you really take it for what it is. So I ended up, you know, when I got there, you know,

Matt (01:46:12.27)
Yeah.

Omar (01:46:18.446)
Just being me, right? You know, you know, they were leaning more towards the Christian side and I was like I get it but it's it's it's still 12-step program so everybody needs to be on the 12 steps and I just I just took initiative as far as like wanting to make sure that the program is being run If we're a 12-step program that's faith-based, but the faith-based part is not

Matt (01:46:45.006)
Primary

Omar (01:46:47.182)
Primary, then we gotta focus on these 12 steps and make sure that people are working these steps. It doesn't matter what steps they are, know, as long as it's the 12 steps that you're working with a sponsor and the sponsor is actually working through a program, right? I'm a big 12-stepper up to this day. I still have sponsors. I still have a sponsor. I moved to Dallas, I got a new sponsor. I go to meetings, you know I'm saying? I go and speak. I'm very, very 12-step, you know.

Matt (01:47:09.314)
Yeah.

Omar (01:47:17.624)
You know, I do things a little bit differently. You know, I sponsor people who are on map, right? You know, that was one of the things that one of my sponsors had a problem with was me sponsoring people with, that were on map. He's like, dude, they're just trying to stay high. was like, I think that's very, I was like, I think the conversation that we had was like, I was like, I didn't know you were a doctor.

Omar (01:47:44.174)
You know what saying? And he was like, he was like, I'm not. And I was like, then why do you think that, you you know, more than this doctor that, that prescribed this person this medication that's, you know, that has a plan to get off, right? Cause at this point I had seen the house that I went to, Unity, that was a mat friendly house and they would have a plan of action, right? You're on suboxone, we're gonna, we're gonna slowly take you, taper you off, you know, however that looks, but you have to have a plan.

And I saw several people successfully taper off of Suboxone. So when my buddy Scott found out that I was doing that, he was like, bro, I'm proud of you. And at first, I thought I was in trouble at first, because he called me. He was like, hey, bro, I heard you're sponsoring people on Suboxone and Map programs and stuff. And I was like, yeah. And this is somebody I look up to, right? So he's like, I'm proud of you, bro. He's like, bro, that's a whole different.

Omar (01:48:41.846)
It's a, most people won't do that. He's like, why are you doing that? I was like, I just feel like that there's different things for different people. You know what saying? I don't, I don't believe that every program is for everyone. You know I'm saying? The program that I work definitely is not for everyone. I don't know what it's like to be on some boxing, but I've seen successful people who were, just strung out and bad and come from being really skinny and unhealthy and ready to die to living fulfill full lives, thriving, healthy, going back to a family. know I'm saying? Like, who am I? I'm not God. You know what saying? I told my sponsor, this was a sponsor that my sponsor left me with. Because after I did my eighth step, my eighth and ninth step, my sponsor's like, oh, hey, I'm leaving to Missouri and I'm never coming back. And I was like, What you know I'm saying so this is my new my my new sponsor at the time and He was like nah, nah, I just think people are gonna you know He's like do what you want to do man You know I'm sponsor these guys and and it doesn't always work out right you know I'm saying

Matt (01:49:52.876)
But neither does sponsoring people who aren't on that.

Omar (01:49:55.79)
Exactly. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes some regular people just, you know, I think the harder people to work with are people who are like the stoners.

Matt (01:50:03.734)
Yeah, dude.

Omar (01:50:05.004)
It is the hardest, the hardest people to work with is stoners because it's just, it's really hard to track it, you know what saying? Unless you're spending some money, you know, on like some mouth swabs that go into the lab and you can test levels and stuff like that, which is going to cost you some money. Then it's really hard to keep track of this stuff, you know what saying? And some people hold it on them for 30 days. Some people hold it on them four to five days.

Matt (01:50:19.703)
Yeah.

Matt (01:50:27.982)
Dude, 60 days and- Yeah, yep, yep, yep, yep. Yeah, I know, dude, the weed situation is really hard for a lot of people. Yeah. It is.

Omar (01:50:40.076)
Yeah, it's what I struggle with a lot and what I do today, right? what's it called?

Matt (01:50:46.51)
How do you feel about Cali Sober?

Omar (01:50:48.985)
You know, that's what I thought I was. You can be if it works for you. You know what I'm saying? Like I said, I'm not going to judge you. But, you know.

Matt (01:50:49.838)
Yeah.

Omar (01:51:02.638)
I wouldn't recommend it, right? You know what I'm saying? It's just like everything else, okay? If you can bring it to me in a way that it's regulated and that you have a plan. To me, the plan of mat-friendly programs is for you to eventually taper off. You know I'm saying? If you're California sober, then you're just a pothead. You know I'm saying? It is what it is. I love weed, you know what I'm saying? It was what I grew up with. I grew it, I sold it, I loved it. It was not the weed, it was not the drug that made me lose my fam, well, I did kind of my family, it wasn't what ended up ruining my life completely. It was other drugs and other choices, but that's really what it is, you know what saying? You can come to a meeting and be, you know what saying? And it helps people, yeah. I totally understand it. People have anxiety. People have got.

Matt (01:52:02.126)
Glaucoma

Omar (01:52:05.23)
Whatever, you know. It's not like, you know, it's 2026 also, right? So there's a lot of medications that take care of all that and they're not narcotic either, right? And they're proven to work, you know what I’m saying? it's a..It's not for me. I'll say that. You know what I'm saying? I can't do it because I end up doing edibles and then I end up losing my kids and I end up doing, you know, this crazy stuff, you know? And I tried it, you know? For me, it wasn't for me. Some people, I see it successfully going to work and doing what they do, but for me, I can't do what I do today and be California sober. You know what I mean? It's... It would just be counterproductive.

Matt (01:52:44.066)
Yeah, me neither.

Omar (01:52:50.594)
You know what I'm saying? It's like, you know, I see these people in the industry that I've been now, right? Cause I'm in the BD world, right? I didn't know that it existed. And you you're a rep for a treatment center and then you're on Instagram with the white claw in your hand, you know, or a wine glass in your hand, but you're out trying to get people to come to your treatment center. You know what I'm saying? I couldn't do it, you know what I'm saying? wouldn't be me putting that out there. And if it is, then you might want to consider another career.

Matt (01:53:28.972)
Or just sales in a different industry.

Omar (01:53:31.302)
Yeah, you know, mean, this is for me. It's life or death Straight up, you know I'm saying This it's not about the things that I can get I used to I still want to get sober because it's like okay My life is gonna get better No, and I found out that the goal is for me to get better. Right today I get to you know, be a part of something greater than myself, right? I like starting a meetings at sober living homes

Matt (01:53:36.055)
Yeah.

Omar (01:54:01.13)
and handing them off to somebody and being like, this is not for me. We're not starting this. I'm starting it with you. Then after I leave this place, it's gonna last, hopefully a long lasting effect, right? After working with this, as a house manager for so long, they kept telling me, they kept putting it in my ear like. Yeah, we're trying to expand out to Dallas and if you know anybody, I'm like, nah, I don't know anybody. And then I found out that they were really asking me if I wanted to come out there. And I've never been anything in my life. I've been a great addict. I failed in a lot of areas. And all of a sudden, I'm doing something that I'm really good at. I'm going to these houses and I'm kicking everybody out because they're using and I'm replacing them with people who are doing the program. having great deep conversations with people and some of them, you know, it's not about if they stay sober, it's about, you know, have people that call me today that are not sober, they call me just to say, hey man, I remember when that time that I was really hurting and you sat with me up until two in the morning. He's like, man, you know, no one's ever done that for me.

And people still call me, and those are the most meaningful things for me today. I'm spiritually fulfilled. And my walk with my spirituality has grown way, way bigger than I ever imagined. I'm a leader in my church, which the program that I work for is owned by a church, And I never saw myself being recognized as somebody important. The other day somebody gave their life
over to Jesus, right? And they call me up to be part of the prayer circle that he was gonna, to help him receive the Holy Spirit, right? And that's things that I couldn't do when I was out there, My business card says, Director of Sober Living, right? You know what I'm saying? I've never been the director of anything. You know what I'm saying? I've directed my life into the ground, you know what I'm saying?

Matt (01:56:18.062)
Yeah.

Omar (01:56:19.97)
This has been a great experience, you know what I'm saying? You know what?
The nonprofit that I work for, it's been a blessing for me. The pastors, they have a...
Unique look at the whole thing, right? They're both, I think I told you before, they're both psychiatrists, doctors, and pastors, right? And the pastor in...

Matt (01:56:58.296)
Yeah, I was looking for some. I don't know where it is.

Omar (01:56:59.18)
I'm all squirrel, you know what I'm saying?

Omar (01:57:04.79)
Yeah, you wanna look for it? I'll help you look for it.

Matt (01:57:05.614)
No,

Omar (01:57:11.278)
The pastors are pastors, psychiatrists, and doctors. So they've also helped me push through limitations that I didn't know that I was... Because I was sitting there as a house manager in these committee meetings, and I'm sitting there with directors, LCDCs, psychiatrists, the CEOs, and I'm sitting there and I'm just... I'm looking around and I, you know, at the end of the meeting I tell the pastor, I was like, I don't think I belong here. He was like, why? I was like, cause...I’m me. You know what I'm saying? I'm here in some Jordans and you know, long shirt. Everybody in here is wearing a suit and tie and they're tucked in their shirts and they all have degrees and I don't have anything to offer. And he's like, you have lived experience. He's like, you have this cap of limitation on you. He's like, you need to break through that. And once I really sat down with God and really learned what that meant, I was able to be the person that I am today, you know what I’m saying? You know, the other day, at the beginning of last month, I moved into my own house.

Matt (01:58:25.112)
What?

Omar
You know I'm saying? I've been in Sober Living since I got kicked out of my house in 2023, right? You know I'm saying? And, you know, after three years of being in Sober Living and, you know, coming out here, being the director, Am I allowed to say the name right? Yeah. Yeah, so being the director of Mastermind Recovery, you know, it has been able to, it has changed me into being able to start houses from scratch, right? You know, with the support team. You know, I thought, they brought me out here to Dallas, right? And I was like, okay, they got a plan. They got this idea of what they want me to do. You know what I'm saying? I'm gonna show up and then they're going to give me this paperwork and then this is what you're to do. So I get there.
And I sit down and he's like, so what's the plan? What do you mean? I thought you guys had a plan. They're like, yeah, you're the plan. And I was like, oh man, so I've been able to construct, know, based off what they have going on in San Antonio, you know, this program, and you know, I've successfully was able to open two houses in less than seven months and keep them consistently filled, right? You know, I bring, we bring this aspect of love, right? I've been told that we're the only program that will take you in with zero dollars if you show promise, right? If I do a phone interview with you and you're checking off all the boxes, you have your ID, you're ready to go, you know what saying? We'll get you in, you know I'm saying? You have two weeks to find a job and then we'll work on a payment plan. Most people won't sit there and look at you if you don't have the first week and the week and deposit and something like that.

Bro, he just got out of rehab. How do you expect anybody coming out of rehab that's been in rehab for the past 90 days to, unless they come for money, you know what saying? And I'm attacking a geographic, right? My jam is homelessness, like homeless outreach, right? Because I was there, right? You know I'm saying? I was there. So I go out there and I shake these people's right? You know what I'm saying? You know, it's probably not the safest thing to do, It's not the cleanest thing to do, you know, but I will shake their hand. You know, I'll give them a hug. I'll pray with you. You know, I'll sit there and have a conversation with you. I'm not eating what you're making. Definitely not eating what you're making. You know, and I'll tell them and they'll laugh, you know what I'm saying? But it's about having this, making people feel like people, right? I know a couple.

Matt (02:01:04.59)
Do you know Pete? Punk Rock Pete. He's like biker Pete.

Omar (02:01:10.316)
Maybe. No, I don't know. I was, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, I've been in Dallas for a year, right? And the community is so welcoming, right? I have not had any trouble getting the name out there. I think I successfully made Mastermind Recovery Dallas a name that people think of when they have people that nobody else will take.

Omar (02:01:40.75)
You know, my house managers don't like it, but I take the hard cases, right? You know, which means if you don't have health insurance and you can't get into it and every program is filled right now and you don't want to go to the homeless shelter, be on the streets, but we can get you insured and get you in. And if you come in with a clean drug test, you know, without any treatment center, you know, I'll take you in you know I'm but the minute that you're that you that you relapse you know yeah, you're out of there, right so Man, I've seen so many successful Transitions, but you know I'm saying I've seen a lot of great stuff You know Dallas is a it's it's huge. It's huge compared to San Antonio. You know The the the the people that I work with you know I'm saying They tell me all the time that they don't, they've never seen it before, you know, the love aspect of it. And I come from, since we're faith-based, right, I come from a Christ aspect of it, right? You know, and I also have experienced it, right? I've been in bad, sober livings. I've been in programs that kick you out for no reason at all. You know what I'm saying? you know, I just, tried to, to, hand that off to the house managers that I'm training, right? And the sponsors that I'm sponsoring, I tell them, I sponsor them different than my sponsor sponsored me, you know, because I'm not gonna yell at you, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, that worked for me, you know what saying? If I feel that might be what you need, then I might, I might kiss you out a couple of times, you know what saying? But, you know, today my life is based on helping people, right?

My kids are proud of me. They know what I do. I visit them every week, every other week.
I'm able to do cool stuff like this, Hey, it's a, you know, you wanna come down to a podcast? Sure, on a Wednesday afternoon, random two o'clock, you know what I’m saying? Yeah, why not? Because my job allows it, right? This is in hopes of helping others, right? I do a little bit of music, right, still. I started doing music. Well, when I got kicked out of my house the last time I was in CPS, I have a friend whose name is Jack. every time I got really, I got really close to relapsing a lot of times while I was there, my steps, right? And he was like, dude, why don't you write about it? And I was like, I don't know, I haven't been able to write anything. And he was like, you know, write, every time you journal, try to journal in a rhyme, right?

And then come back and see me and you know, get a beat and we'll come back and we'll do it. you know, my prayers turn into rap lyrics, right? Some of them are dark. Some of them are me talking to God, right? Some of them are me talking to myself, you know, and I never released them, you know, none of those things I was releasing until about a month or two ago. Yeah, like really recently. And these are songs that I had written and recorded, you know, a couple of years ago. And everybody's like, I let people listen to them and they're like, why don't you share these things? And I'm like, well, cause they're personal. It's not meant for everybody. It's meant for me. And so I started sharing them, man. And it just kind of like started blowing up like out of nowhere. The last one I released, and it's all TikTok, right? I make little snippets and stuff. I don't release the full song. The last one got like 190,000 views on it.

And I was like, yeah, over a three day period, was like, what's going on here? It's getting messages from people like, I don't know you, but you're talking about me. You know what I'm saying? And it's exactly the same reaction that you get when you go to a treatment center and you talk to people and you tell them, hey, I've been here every night and then this is where I'm at. Right, it's the same everywhere you go, right? It's like, what it was like.
Yeah, I was like, no, you know, yeah, man, it's been an interesting journey and it's still happening. I'm eager to come back in like a year and tell you the things that I'm going through right now and what happens at the outcome, because it's pretty cool stuff that's happening still.

Matt (02:06:32.142)
Well, dude, I'll be watching. Yeah.

Omar (02:06:36.354)
Appreciate it. Yeah, I don't know how you, was it tick tock that you found me? .

Matt (02:06:38.574)
No, was Facebook.

Omar (02:06:42.446)
Facebook? Yeah. I was like, this is pretty interesting. I listened to some other podcasts, but when I started listening to yours, I was like, you asked the right questions. I was like, this is pretty cool. And I like to shut up. I was like, it's really hip hop and really, you know what saying? I struggled when I was a kid, I struggled with my identity, right? I used to like hip hop music, but I used to dress like a goth. And I used listen to rock music and Spanish music and I didn't know where I belonged, you know what saying? I liked everything and as I grew I realized that I could do whatever I want and that’s not a bad thing.

Matt (02:07:22.126)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean yeah. We were all individuals Right. Yeah, like you look at this place. It's like what is this dude into you, right? And then I got this thing I was all excited about you see this.

Omar (02:07:41.976)
Oh snap. This is the original heroin. That's crazy.

Matt (02:07:43.628)
Yeah

Omar (02:07:49.774)
Whenever they, whether you see like.

Matt (02:07:51.438)
Yeah, they used to, it used to be like a clear liquid. Yeah? Yeah, like pure heroin is like a clear liquid.

Omar (02:08:00.43)
It's bad out there today, It's not even just heroin, it's like fentanyl, you know what I’m saying? When fentanyl hit the street, everything just got pretty wild.

Matt (02:08:11.414)
Yeah, fentanyl. It was interesting to me. Fentanyl hit the streets basically at the same time as COVID and they both come from the same place. Have you ever thought about that? They both come from China.

Omar (02:08:26.401)
I did not know that it came from China.

Matt
Yeah, I mean all the markers, like all the precursors and stuff, they all manufactured in China and then they ship it to Mexico and then, because they can send the precursors like all they want, right? It's like, these are commodities. Send the precursors and then they got
Chinese chemists over here and they put it together.

Omar (02:08:45.858)
Yeah, I mean, the way things are going today, you know, anything is possible.

Matt (02:08:49.282)
Ah dude it's, society's crazy today. Yes. It is. Well dude I really appreciate your time and I appreciate your story. Thank you for coming down.

Omar (02:09:02.094)
Thank you for having me, bro.

Matt (02:09:06.52)
Thanks for listening to My Last Relapse. I'm Matt Handy, the founder of Harmony Grove Behavioral Health, Houston, Texas, where our mission is to provide compassionate, evidence-based care for anyone facing addiction, mental health challenges, and co-occurring disorders. Find out more at HarmonyGroveBH.com. Follow and subscribe to My Last Relapse on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you like to stream podcasts.
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